Traci Lords
Nude

With an explosive body too volcanically erotic to keep covered, a screen-scorching carnal radiance too incandescent to be toned down, and an all-encompassing sexual appetite too omnivorous to be anything but the real deal, ruling superstarlet of mid ’80s porn Traci Lords, did, in fact, prove to be too good to last. In fact, Traci proved to be underage at the dizzying height of her triple-X eminence. And, well, that’s too bad. Soaring past even the most popular of her adult-film contemporaries, Traci became the number-one box-office draw in the last days of theatrical hardcore via classics such as Talk Dirty to Me III (1984). Alas, these happy, slappy days had to come to an end. In the spring of 1986, Traci set up her own company and released Traci, I Love You, a runaway smash that would prove to be the last–and only legal–appearance of La Lords in a full-penetration sex endeavor. While preparing to promote the video, the messy truth wiggled out that, after three years in the porn biz, Traci had only recently turned eighteen, thus rendering her eighty or so previous productions very much against the law in the U.S. Millions of dollars were lost. Threats were made against the outed adolescent. But Traci took a shot at fame away from the blue screen and achieved a career trajectory never thought possible for an ex-pornie. After a period away from the (s)limelight, Traci reemerged in the Roger Corman remake Not of This Earth (1988), showcasing her famously upturned boobs and magnificently puffy nipples in an R-rated milieu that kicked off a major career as a direct-to-video B-movie heroine. She also tore things up memorably in John Waters‘s Cry-Baby (1990) and on TV as a sadistic cult leader who spiced up Melrose Place. Her no-holes-barred 2003 autobiography Traci Lords: Underneath It All earned good reviews and strong sales, providing its author with yet another medium to boast about conquering. For her co-starring role in the Kevin Smith flick Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008), Traci initially claimed that she’d perform her first topless scene in years. Then she backed out due to the fact, she claims, that she was lactating. Thanks for making us cry over un-spilled milk, Traci!